Personal Loss

I know few of you are surprised.. but now it is official.
The harddrive of the laptop that has been my companion for the past 8 or so years officially caved in in the begining of this week.

With it to its grave it took personal documents, school projects and most importantly, all pictures from the past semester in Portugal..

I can not blame myself enough for not doing a safety backup AS SOON as I got back here.. But fatightful to my tradition, I thought I could do it tomorrow..

Guess tomorrow came a little earlier than I thought.

I will still remember you all, and if you feel like sending me a disc with some of your pics from the semester, that would ease my greif somewhat.

Take care all, I am in the middle of a very intensive work period and hardly have any time over until god know when, so sorry for being out of reach so much..

Why would I ever?

Yes I study marketing. And strategy.
I am sincerely interested in what makes people chose x over y, 1 over 2..
Maybe thats why these thoughts come up in my head..
maybe I just want to make it better. Improve it. Expand it.
Bring more shit to both new and old idiots as a very wise man once said to me.

The matter is DVDs..
After spending a lovely afternoon with the only friend I know that still RENTS DVDs (more on this in another post) I now lean back in my chair here at work and prepare to light up a part of my night with a comedy.
I rewire the new TV set so that only I get to see the movie (compared to broadcasting it to the whole building) and press play.

20 minutes later I totally lost interest.
I shut the thing off and search around for a paper to read.

I prepared for a comedy.
First thing that hits me is the producers logo, the house brand and all the roaring lions, roads with lightings and the other shit. No option to fast forward or skip.
Next a very touching ad for aids research is brought to me.
Again- no fast forward, no skip.

Then, as I now hammer down the menu button on the remote, the thing still refuses and are now forcing me to sit through a anti-pirate ad!!
What the FUCK!?

I think its brilliant that the aids-ad is forced on people, but come on...
I set out to watch a comedy and now my head is filled with crying African babies and a fear of ever having sex again!

And the anti-pirate ad?
Yes, the same one we have seen for a few years now! (You wouldnt steal a car... blablabla)
Come on!
20 minutes, a total mood change and I still have not reached the fucking menu!!

Nha, the industry is signing its own death!
Me personally, I'll go home, download the fucking film and see it in its entirety from the beginning starting exactly when I press play! FOR FREE!

Moral assholes can fuck off, because this is not a discussion about morals, this is a statement of the movie and dvd-industries utter stupidity!

Have a good night all

Mental internet?

Really have no answers tonight and need to sleep some to be able to pull this mess of life I'm living right now back on the right track..

I just wish I could send mental emails, mental blogposts..
There are SO many times per day I think that, ah, that I want to write down, work on, publish or share..
then life takes over and the thoughts blow away in the chaos of mental turmoil.

Despite all I do quite enjoy being here and hope that rhythm will settle sooner or later..
If not, at least I have a few fantastic days to look forward to:)

Even had my secound jog of the summer today, with good company and great views!
Just think about how it will feel when I slap on my brand spanking new shoes..

Take care all, and I am sorry for this lowtide of posts.. but I guess you are used to it by now!

The so called midsummer

As you might know I started working a few days ago.. and yet again I am here.
Begging my bosses for extra shifts and neglecting the planned studies. But hey, Lisbon did ruin me.  
Someone were also nice enough to tell me about the holiday this weekend, so I guess it'll be a little party..

Two things are on my mind right now. Or really they are the same.  

One is to let one of my friends down. Havnt seen her in a long long time and now I have to cancel a planned lunch due to fatigue and lack of time.. Dosnt feel right at all, but I have no choise.  

The other is the exact same thing, only different. Since I came back to Sweden I have had no time, will or inspiration to keep in contact with anyone.
I have thrown in a random comment on a photo and written back a few times to the most important, but its like I just want to switch everyone off for a while in order to catch up with myself.
Off course I hate myself for not responding when people I really like take the time to try to talk or write to me, but right now I just dont have the energy.
I blame the night shifts and the adaptation to that and hope that I will be back to normal by next week.
(That is also why I have been so lame with updates here, but no matter how flattered I am by the stream of people that log on to this site each and every day I do not have the same responsibility towards you.. And if I write when I dont have the energy or inspiration this will only be another lame diary non the different to all the teenage shit that is out there.)  

Saw a rerun of a Swedish cooking show just a few minutes ago (its 5,45 am right now, and, yes I'm at work) One of those where the chef is not only cooking but also allowed to speak a little about the food and his or her feelings and thoughts. It made me miss kockhoran terribly.. Too bad you cant just call people at 6 in the morning and expect a cheerful chitchat..  

Fucking Great

So I move to the starting town.
Have wet dream about a kitted out, special bike that is mine, mine, mine for a part of the streatch.

Then some terrorists stir it all up-

And they do what?


Biffana; that South American trip is looking aw so much more tempting..
Tell me how to make a 100 000 Euros fast and we'll be chilling by your aunts pool in no time!

At work

First shift half done.

Its two o clock at night and it is just as light as when you walk out of Jamaica at 10 in the morning..

I love this light

Oh, and I realized that I still, after only speaking Swedish for the past 48hours, still think in English when I am tired.. Kind of weired.

In homeland

You know that you just arrived home when you feel kind of weird every time you speak in front of a crowd and have to look around the room to make sure that everyone understands your mother tongue...

The last week of Lisbon was hectic and mixed.
Mixed is a very suitable word.
Mixed because I were so close to getting back into that black hole and just so, so tired of people.
Mixed because all the things we did Mixed because all the feelings I have for the city
Mixed for all the people that are just not going to be there when I return..

A few highlights, here presented in the big with and without-list!
*A pool party, with pig roast, but without proximity to anything but bumblefuck1,2 and 3
*A posh dinner, with more food than invited guest and others could eat but without flipcup
*A sunset over a river, with birds and beauty leading my thoughts to Zimbabwe but without the cowboys
*A camping in Peniche, with snails but without tent *A gocarting race, with squeeling tires but without victory
*A lot of surfing, with dutchclutch but without the bassmobile
And finally, the dubble!
*A live bullfight, without bullfighters but with drunken villagers,
-with 450kg bull but without horn protection

Live it up people, I am!

I will also take this opportunity to thank everyone in my life that is making things possible. I hope you know how much that means to me and that you are alos enriching your life by doing so.. otherwise I dont want you on board.
Your moments are just as much worth as mine.
Make them count.

Done............................................................................. (?)

Strategy exam.
Felt fucking Niiiiice.
Missed a few points here and there, but my suggestions rocked!

Now, all I intend to do is....


The day will be spent on the beach, and if you want to get rich I suggest you buy stocks in Sagres and Super Bock now (the major beer brands) cause there is a slight chance the we will go through a years consumption tonight..

C you at Caparica!

(Now all close their eyes and cross their fingers for that none of the other exams went to hell! I DONT have time nor money or energy to fly down again in a months time and write them again!)


I know I have written about it before but hey!
People are so fucking retarded that they never cease to surprise me.

Lately I have got;
*One email about the sterilization drug used to spike drinks,
*Three emails about msn starting to charge for their messenger service,
*Two emails telling me to forward an email because a starving boy then receives money,
.....And finally, my personal favourite of today;
*The Facebook group started to stop the artist Guillermo Vargas Habacuc, who by taking a stray dog off the street and displaying it in his exhibition for three hours has gotten more dumb, unenlightened, retarded kids involved than the fucking Iraqi war!

On top of things; He did this where?
-In Nicaragua!

So based solely on my own estimation, 100% of the kids getting involved in this has;
1.At least passed one homeless person living in their town or country the past month without giving it a fucking thought.
2.Probably never been to any country even reassembling Nicaragua, and also has no idea about how many stray dogs that live on the streets and what their faith is if they get in as bad shape as the one pictured on the exhibition
3.Totally missed the point of the whole thing.

Really. The dog was starving on the street, in a country that has far more serious problems to tackle than stray dogs.
It was too weak to stand up and would have died in any case.
It was taken in, fed and used to make thousands of people stop, realize and think for a little while about just how fucking insensitive and hypocrite our moral values and standpoints really are!
It sat in a room for three hours.
Then ran away. (Or died, what's the fucking difference, the outcome is the same!??)

-And the response from our highly educated generation?
-Lets focus on hating and suggesting murder of the guy as well as of some kid making comic remarks about the whole thing!
Checking facts?
Thinking about the meaning of things?
Realizing impact and message?
-No, no, no..

How, I wonder, can these people be so utterly unable to use even the best of information systems built for their generation to question facts that they are blindly buying everything they read and happily spreading the news to loved ones and friends, who for some reason are just as passive and idiotic!

How do they survive?

Guillermo Vargas Habacuc, I salute you!
Unfortunately you are speaking to a herd of fools beyond saving..
There is no hope for mankind.

For the rest of the myths that I spoke about?


..So just leave me the fuck alone and let me enjoy the few small parts of the world and life that you still haven't managed to fuck up, ok?

So the summer finally came

Even here.

I am sitting by the window of our appartment, trying to focus my mind on the differences and relationships between emergant and intended strategy, Porters rambelings and all the classical models and the criticism against them.. The new thoughts and my own..
In the meantime the sun is frying my sholder and a trip to the beach has seldome been more tempting.
But today I have to focus.
The last exam is tomorrow morning but for a lot of reasons it dosnt feel like its ending there.
Money is the primary factor for my unrest, all the bills, tickets and future cost associated with the end of the semester.
Moral issues arise as well, as always when one really gives oneself time to ponder the use and meaning of strayant behaviour from norms and regulation..
But I thik it is all going to work out. Somehow.

Evil interfearing with my day

I've sunk deep down in the armchair, foot on the table and the arduous urge to take a hot cosy bath with a toaster is slowly letting go of its grip of my body.
Reading the witty words of Per Bjurman and arranging to pay for a lost book.

Then it comes.

My attention is caught by an incredibly annoying java ad in the right banner.
I read it.
See it.

And vomit violently.


Just why?

To even finish the chronicle I am reading proves an impossibility.

It is amazing how humans can impose laws to make it possible to fine people for leaving your car unlocked (Canada-amongst others) but still let this odious, appalling, dreadful excuse of a shoe be legal.

But I guess it only proves me right.
This world is absolutely, 100 percent, utterly retarded.

För min älskade syster!

Grattis på den stora dagen!
Kom ihåg att jag är stolt över dig och vill alltid finnas där när du behöver mig.


Single serving friend

At the same time as it feels weird that people are about to pack up and go back to their respective lives, the ones of us that have done this as long as I have get some another feelings. Those of us don't have that strong community and waiting roots to welcome us back, to long for and to be embraced by.

We have us.
And most of the times we are doing pretty fine.

We live in the moment, live for the sensation and are constantly on our way into something new, no matter if our world is collapsing around us.

When our single serving friends disappear at the end of the semester, run out, like the dip sauce at the end of the night.. as much as we are sad to see them go, we are also looking forward to the next ones.
Cause lets face it.
I have met some lovely people every time I've been away, and I certainly have here!
I do every time that I throw myself into something new, but then the period is over.
End of the era.

All the moments and all the things you had are behind you.

Although I really love to run into an old friend that I have shared great moments with, we seldom take up much of each others lives after the period is over..
So I urge you, my new wonderful single serving friends, dont feel sad when you get on that plane, catch that train or drive off for the last time..
We have what we had, and no one can take that, but most importantly, you have your own life to look forward to.
To come back to.
To live.
And no matter how much you might think that its sucks to go back you will have learned something here that will make it better.
Something about life.
Something about living.
Something about you.

Me.... I am just wondering off into the sunset and sees what the world has in store for me next..

Maybe I see you there?


One down two to go.

Bu how, oh how can I motivate and force myself to sit down and write a memo for the exam tomorrow morning when I just came from one exam, the sun is out and my head feels like a pulsating hole..

Thats right.
I cant.

A beer will make it better.

For sure.

Walk idiot walk

Had to get out of the appartment yesterday, and finally I went for that walk..
Of course the cemetary that was my original goal was closed, but I still got some amazing wievs and walked almost all the way down the hill to the river and then back up again. (a good hour and a half) Nice weather and music in my ears, but what amazes me the most is the intence mix this town offers.. Every other house there is a new part constructed on top of an old house, walls about to fall appart but one new window installed.. you know those kind of things. Druggies dealing openly a few blocks from a nice done up kindergarden... Brand spanking new Mercedeses parked on empty lots with garbage and waste everywhere..
Or my personal favourite, a house where the two bottom floors of a four story building has been knocked down, nothing to support the two remaining floors but steel poles.
The top floor?
Sure, there are still people living there.
Why wouldnt it be?

It is a beatuiful town, no doubt about it.

Boca do Inferno

cant seem to stay away.
I wonder why..

Thanx guys for yet another wonderful night, it will be strange now when people are starting to dropp off.. Especially you, my Norweigan friend ;)

And thanx again to Louis, Nikita and crew for all your love, I am looking forward to this saturday more and more now.

Now more slides.. found a few I have not seen before yesterday, might be a good idea to have a look ;)

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